"Let me introduce you to the players: First we have the far-left MediaMatters web site, which routinely assassinates the character of conservatives and Republicans. Then we have a group called the Women's Media Center, which was started by Gloria Steinem and Jane Fonda, among others. Add to that Hearst White House correspondent Helen Thomas and me, your humble correspondent, and off we go. Ms. Thomas is 88 years old and an enthusiastic liberal. On Monday she posed an incredibly dopey question to President Obama, asking him about Pakistan and 'so-called terrorists.' Since everybody knows Al Qaeda and the Taliban are not 'so-called,' but real terrorist killers, I poked a little fun at Helen, comparing her to the Wicked Witch of the East. Within minutes of my saying that, the corrupt MediaMatters sounded the alert and it was picked up by fringe writers. The Women's Media Center issued a press release about my 'sexist and ageist comments.' Is this nuts? Consider this - Saturday Night Live can mock Sarah Palin all day long, but I can't mock Helen Thomas? The New York Times can brand people any vile name they want, but I can't make fun of an absurd question? By the way, I sent Helen Thomas flowers today to wish her the best Valentine's Day ever. I hope that wasn't sexist."

The Factor invited Courtney Martin of the Women's Media Center to voice her complaints in person. "Helen Thomas is fine with being criticized for her work," Martin began, "but to attack her appearance is just disrespectful. We all know the physical connotations of what a witch looks like, and this woman deserves our respect. You invoked the image of a witch to describe one of this country's most amazing journalists. You should not joke about Helen Thomas' voice or appearance." The Factor countered that Thomas asked a ludicrous question. "I could have attacked Helen Thomas as a pinhead who is past her game, I could have demeaned the woman as she uses her platform to brutalize anyone she disagrees with, but I chose not to. Where were you when Sarah Palin was getting the hell kicked out her by everyone? You didn't say a word. You guys are hypocrites and phonies and you're being used by the left."

News Link: Feminists angry at O'Reilly

Turning to the bank bailout, The Factor asked Professor Marc Lamont Hill and columnist Larry Elder whether Congressional leaders such as Barney Frank can be trusted. "People don't trust the government or Wall Street," Hill said, "but the argument you're using is often taken up by conservatives as an excuse to deregulate and have hands-off government. In fact, what we need is more regulation and more oversight so we can create a government we can trust." Elder argued the exact opposite point. "The SEC fell down, the FDIC fell down, and the bottom line is that when you have government involved, you're going to have all kinds of mismanagement and shenanigans." The Factor concluded that Americans' widespread skepticism is warranted. "I don't trust Barney Frank, I don't trust the Wall Street pinheads, and I think most of the people agree with me and have no confidence in these people."

News Link: Final stimulus bill set for vote

Kellogg's has dropped Michael Phelps as a spokesman after the swimmer admitted to smoking pot, a move that has elicited protests from some pro-marijuana groups. "Kellogg's did absolutely the right thing," declared Business Week's Diane Brady. "If you had to choose between 10,000 parents e-mailing you and 10,000 pot smokers, I think I'd choose to alienate the pot smokers. Kellogg's is a family brand." But marketing expert Peter Shankman contended that Kellogg's made the exact wrong choice. "The only reason this is still a story is because Kellogg's kept it alive by dropping him. He was off-season and this wasn't a performance-enhancing drug. I'm not denying that what he did is wrong, but this is the most benign activity. Kellogg's overreacted."

News Link: Kellogg's dropping Michael Phelps

Internet expert Amanda Carpenter began with a disturbing Internet video showing an 8-year-old who is acting bizarrely after being medicated at the dentist's office. "This is clearly some kind of exploitation," Carpenter pronounced. "It isn't funny, it's not cute, and the boy's father was videotaping this instead of trying to comfort the child." Carpenter also scrutinized a Virgin Atlantic ad that features a parade of attractive female flight attendants marching through an airport. "29 people have complained that this is sexist, but I don't think it is. They're using pretty women with pretty smiles to promote their product, which isn't anything new."

News Link: Video: Kid after dentist visit

News Link: Video: Animals commit suicide

Dennis Miller led off with Barack Obama's decision to halt the trial of the terrorist suspected of masterminding the 2000 USS Cole bombing. "I'm prone to give Obama a wide berth," Miller said, "because he's our new president. But when you invite the parents of men and women who were killed on the USS Cole the day after charges were dropped against 'Ramsey el-Kaboom,' this moves into the perverse." Miller turned to baseball and Alex Rodriguez' admission that he used steroids. "I think this was smart of Alex and he'll eventually get into the Hall of Fame because he didn't completely lie about this." Finally, when asked to weigh in on the Helen Thomas brouhaha, Miller morphed into a slimmer version of Joe Cocker: "Helen, you are sooooo beautiful to me, can't you seeeee? You're everything I hoped for, you're everything I need. Helen, you are soooo beautiful to me.'" The Factor profusely thanked Miller for not crooning "We're Off to See the Wizard."

Comic actor Will Ferrell is starring in a Broadway show that lampoons and demeans George W. Bush. Fox News media analyst Bernie Goldberg commented on the show and its glowing reviews. "George Bush gave Will Ferrell a lot of ammunition," Goldberg conceded, "but this play caters to every liberal sensibility - that George Bush is a doofus and, at best, a liberal moron. And it gives liberal critics an opportunity they never had before - they get to sit at the grown-up table and they can also bash George Bush." The Factor called the critics' "cheap shots" absolutely predictable.

News Link: Will Ferrell rips Bush on Broadway

Wednesday's Patriot: Colorado representative Laura Bradford, who is leading the movement to pass a version of Jessica's Law in that state. And the Pinheads: The folks from PETA, who denounced the Westminster Dog Show for "breeding to create a master race."

News Link: Video: PETA's latest stunt

Jim Kennedy, Ann Arbor, MI: "I agree the GE boss Jeffrey Immelt has to go and yes I have taken a bath on GE shares. So, I'm keeping my money out of the market until these buffoons are gone."

Sam Gilmore, Wilmington, NC: "Bill, by using a broad brush to paint all CEO's as bad, you are making a mistake. Those CEO's will lead us out of the recession."

Clint Goodrich, Aspen, CO: "Bill, I am a market trader and you are dead on. The CEO's stack the boards and it's almost impossible to hold them accountable."

Trudy Wachala, Wiesbaden, Germany: "Bill, I am writing to say you were insulting to Helen Thomas. You should be ashamed of yourself."