Here's a Christmas story that may make you cry, but not for sentimental reasons. The town of Great Barrington, Massachusetts, population 7,000, has ordered a curfew on "holiday" lights this season because of Global Warming.
By a vote of 4 to 0, the Barrington selectmen have decreed that all decorative lights must be shut off by 10pm. Selectman Ronald Dlugosz opining: "I hate to be Scrooge here, but we're really doing a lot in this community to be fuel efficient, to reduce our carbon footprint."
Swell. Since a cow belching does more damage to the environment than a string of Christmas lights (sorry, holiday lights), it is inconceivable that these loons are trotting a "carbon footprint" argument to help the environment. The real strategy here is to diminish the public display of Christmas in that secular town.
So how do I know that? Well, thanks for asking. As it happens, I sent a Factor producer, Jesse Watters, up to talk to this Dlugosz guy:
Watters: Isn't this a just ruse to de-emphasize Christmas? Dlugosz: These are holiday lights ... we don't think we should be putting lights all over the place and impacting our environment. We're taking a realistic approach to holiday lights."
Did you notice the term "holiday lights?"
So I am calling for an intervention. The good people of western Massachusetts deserve to have a bright Christmas (holiday) season! I am asking Al Gore to arrive in a horse-drawn sleigh and talk some sense into these incredible Great Barrington pinheads.
I mean, how stupid is this? For a few weeks every year, the United States of America gets festive in honoring the birth of a man whose philosophy helped shape this country. That, of course, would be Jesus, not Barry Holiday.
And every year we now have to hear whining from dolts who are offended not only by a baby laying in a manger, but also by images of decorated trees and a jolly old man in a beard. Call me a theocrat, but I have had enough of this politically correct bilge.
Great Barrington, Massachusetts is controlled by people who somehow believe that Christmas decorations are harming the world. These numbskulls are so crazed by melting polar ice caps and perceived church-state "issues" that they are imposing fascist declarations on folks who just want to enjoy the season.
So Al Gore must get involved. Since he has been driving this global warming stuff, he now has an obligation to calm the citizenry down. Dick Cheney can't do it; he's off shooting animals. And President Bush holds no sway among the far-left loons in Great Barrington.
No, it must be Gore. He's the only one who can save Christmas in the Berkshires. Shine a light on this insanity, Al. Tell them the inconvenient truth.