Therefore, here are my cabinet nominees.

 

Secretary of Defense: The Rock, Dwayne Johnson. Big fellow. Will not be intimidated by little Putin.  May even pat him on the head.

 

Secretary of the Treasury: Oprah. Many homes, lots of expensive things.  Got $2.5 million out of Kamala Harris for something. Not sure what.  Good negotiation. The woman knows money.

 

Secretary of Transportation:  Keep Pete Buttigieg. It's a do-nothing job anyway, and Pete nailed that.

 

Secretary of Chaos:  New position. Taylor made for Kid Rock. Rock on, brother.

 

And while we're on the subject of Taylor, Secretary of Cosmetics: Another new position that Ms. Swift could easily embrace.  Just the lipstick alone qualifies her.

 

Secretary of Snacks: Key position in the new White House.  This is where Robert Kennedy, Jr. should be.  Carrots, celery, the whole thing.

 

Secretary of Setting Wagers:  Jamie Foxx. Place your bets on Gaetz and the Senate. Roll the dice on Hegseth.  Jamie knows how to do this.

 

Security of Smirking:  Snoop Dogg. That's what happens when you smoke pot all day.  You smirk. But forget why.

 

And finally, the big one, Secretary of Cable TV. This cabinet person would be responsible for the remote when President Trump is watching the news programs. Strong fingers and hands needed to facilitate lightning-quick channel changes. Jake Paul is the man.

 

So there it is. Our new government.   If only.